That Over There is the Line

Well. Hello again old friend. I see you’ve been very busy lately Sam, you crazy uncle you. My cousins are telling me a lot about what you’ve been up to and let me tell you it sounds pretty wild. The ol’ Uncle Sam residence is really taking a turn for the worse.

I heard you’ve lost a bunch of money on some ponzi investment schemes involving cages for your kid’s pets (I’m still blown away by this one). Turns out those once lucrative domiciles were actually pretty worthless when you found out the pets had no way to pay for them. The whole thing was all twisted up and I’m still having trouble wrapping my mind around the mess that situation created. Really, though, what were you thinking? Pets can’t pay for their residences Sam. At all.

Then, what’s this about spilling money into your kid’s bank accounts (where did that money come from by the way, who exactly is giving you money to lend) to try to prop up those cages? You didn’t learn from your poor decision making the first time around did you? Look, if your kids are ever going to learn anything they need to lose all of their money and start from scratch with a better idea of what to spend their money on. Now you’re just encouraging them to invest poorly.

Also, I heard Grant Michael, little old G.M., makes pinewood derby cars for his buddies in the scouts, but people stopped buying his for some better models made by another kid. That’s too bad, these things happen. No, Sam, don’t go buying up his operation–look he needs to figure out what his buddies want to buy, you can’t just tell him to make something you think is good for your house. It won’t work out well for him or you.

Haven’t you wasted enough money yet? Haven’t you figured out that blowing money is the worst way to get out of money troubles?

Come on Sam, get it together man. You can’t control your house this way. The money’s going to stop coming in when everyone loses their incentive to earn and you keep giving them a bunch of money that you don’t even have yourself.

It’s simple, go back to your first principles, and give your family the space it needs to lead successful lives.

Otherwise, chief, you’re just the dictator of the house.